I recently was told by some folks that my son with a disability is doing fine; it is me that needs some help. Well at first thought, how dare they, then wait a minute. I already know this, but how do I slow down and get help when I am responsible for making sure everyone else is fine?

I am sure this is something a lot of parents with children ponder just as I am. I’ve heard all the statistics about depression and divorces among those who have children with disabilities. I know all the advice. You have to take care of yourself to be able to take care of others effectively. For someone that is already stressed to the max, the thought of taking time to take care of myself means that I will take time away from those who need my help. Which, of course,  only adds to my stress.  But wait if I don’t take care of myself I won’t be here to take care of those who need my help. Well that should encourage me to take care of myself but that only adds to my stress because then I panic.  What will happen to these people, especially my son, who depends on me to help him? 

There is so much to stress about, it seems. The homework is intense. The homework is not work I can help him with at times because I don’t understand it. I have to work to help pay the bills.  There isn’t enough hours in the day to do all the chores that need done. Lots of family issues both personal and health. The list goes on.

I know I am not the only one to face these things.  I have already learned that I have 2 friends that have children with disabilities that suffer as I am. I simply learned this by being open and honest with them. I even got to have dinner with one family recently. It was so nice to share with someone who knew exactly how I felt.  The gentleman friend even told me, as I apologized for being an emotional case, that I was human and in being human I wasn’t invincible.

As I said I know I am not the only one to face these things but I also know I am responsible for me. So I have decided to reach out for some assistance. Stay tuned.



Well it is time for a new chapter in my life and for my son I truly realized yesterday morning as I dropped him off at high school.  Though I overlook the actual size of my son at times, 5 foot 6 inches and 173 pounds, there was no mistaking yesterday that my little boy is now a little man.  Sure he still calls me mommy and he is immature in many ways. But yesterday I saw a young man willingly stepping forward to face the challenges ahead in his high school career. 

He couldn’t go to sleep the night before and kept his dad and I awake as well.  Whether it was due to excitement or apprehension I don’t know because he wouldn’t communicate it when asked.  I too remember those nights before the first day of school when lots of emotions were all tossed together and I couldn’t sleep.  However he did decide to doze off right before time to rise to get ready for the day. It took quite a bit of jostling to get him up and going. Finally we accomplished that goal and with just a small amount of prompting we were on our way to school. We made the drive, me trying to make small talk and wishing him a good first day in high school. I asked if he had anything he wanted to discuss but he said he was fine. We arrived at school at the assigned spot for me to drop him off and there waiting for us was his new para pro and several other teachers standing around. With much glee he proceeded to blow my horn and then willingly exited the vehicle, got his book bag and lunch bag, and happily followed his para pro into a new adventure, the high school experience.

From all accounts I have received, he had a wonderful first day. He made it splendidly until 3:00 and then he was simply exhausted. He has come so far in the last few years and I am so proud of him.  He can now stay in his classes the entire time. Most days without having to leave and he is transitioning from one class to another with ease.  My baby is growing up and I must remember that we are entering the chapter of his life. Most definitely, not only academics are important but also life skills gained will be crucially important as he heads up and out in the world.  Say a prayer for this mom as she tries to begin the process of cutting apron strings to let him gain some independence that is oh so important.

Well, this will be RJ's senior year.  It seems like just yesterday he was in the 2nd grade & his teacher was "gingerly" suggesting to me that we have RJ tested because he seems to be struggling.  Finally, I thought, someone believes me.  When he was 18 moths, I initiated him for a thorough eval. I was told to just keep an eye on him, that he was a little bit delayed but that Head Start would help him catch up.  NOT…

It certainly has not been a picnic, but the victories we have shared are AWESOME & worth revisiting from time to time with other families. He just had to retake the GHGT that he didn't pass by 2-4 points.  I thought, why couldn't they just curve it that little bit?  That would have been the easy way, hahahaha. 

As many of you know, some Aspie's are not very good at initiating change but I almost fell out of my chair Saturday when he was getting a haircut & he said I'd like to get some blonde highlights.  Again, slow does NOT mean NEVER, it simply means LATER.  For now we are praying for Gods very best teachers in his life for now & in the years to come.  School certainly has not been a joy for him, as a matter of fact, until now, there were many heart breaking moments, but again, the victories are far more important and worthy of our attention & focus.  

I am so proud of RJ, he has also been the one to initiate the meeting of his new teachers. Please pray for us as I continue to try and coordinate a meeting for us to meet his teachers prior to the beginning of school.  They seem to be avoiding me for 2 weeks now, which is very, very UNUSUAL.  Open house is a night mare because of the MASS confusion and noise that only add to his anxiety issues. That’s why we meet earlier. We are so blessed and pray that everyone has Gods very best teachers teaching our kids this year. The ones who celebrate their differences, not just tolerate, the ones who go the EXTRA mile WITH us, instead of the ones who are NOT team players. Those teachers who embrace change as well as teaching.

Warm wishes,

Mrs. Marcia

Well its official, my county’s school board has chosen for our schools to go to a 4 day school week for the 2010/2011 school year due to the serious funding issues affecting our school system. This move is supposed to save our county schools $286,000 (on paper at least) of the near $2 million deficit we are looking at. This is a result of this crazy economy we have right now.  This means less money coming in from property taxes and the state is giving our county less money than in years past.

Different people have different feelings on this.  Lots of teachers are looking forward to having each Monday off as well as not having to have more colleagues’ jobs cut. Teachers were saying that they could teach longer in 4 days and get the job done a lot better than having an overcrowded classroom that they have to climb over children to teach. Plus teach in a classroom where the students were all at different levels in their classroom. Sure there were teachers also that secretly said that they felt this wasn’t a good thing, both regular education and also special education, but they couldn’t speak out for fear of them being the ones cut. With the reduction in force and of course you wouldn’t want to be the rebel with your peers. The bus drivers, para pros, and the lunchroom ladies are the ones in the system will feel the affect the most. Their pay will be for 4 days versus 5 for the bus drivers and para pros. For the lunchroom ladies paid for 8 meals versus 10 meals.

Childcare for families is a big concern. Not everyone has friends or family that will be able to watch their children on Mondays if they work. It is very hard to get childcare for one day a week.  The biggest concern should and must be for the children.  Will these longer days be productive for the smaller children and will they be productive for children such as mine who has a disability? 

My son was already very tired at the end on his day. In middle school he was being released 30 minutes before the other children.  The teachers had stated that he was just spent for the day at this time and they were unable to accomplish anything after this point.  So they felt it would be best for him to just go ahead and leave for the day. We had already planned for him to stay the full amount of time as he enters high school so he would fit in better and not miss any necessary material. Now his day will be extended another 47 minutes at least. I have had several parents in my area, regular ed. and special ed. Students; speak with me about their concerns. Only time will tell how it will work out.

It seems it was just yesterday that Shawn was a toddler.  He was snuggling up in the bed with his dad and me, wanting to dance around in the kitchen with me, playing on the floor with his trucks, and watching Mickey Mouse Videos. Hey wait a minute that was yesterday, seriously! But you see Shawn is now 14 years old and is a half an inch taller than me.  I do certainly agree time is definitely flew by and do remember when he was lots shorter. I remember the day he turned 6 very well as I was happy but so sad that I didn’t have a toddler any more.

Time has gone on and though I don’t want to change him for enjoying life what way he wishes, I find myself at times doing things for him that I should allow him to do for himself. Or not allowing him to do things that I should because I need to give him some independence.  From speaking to other parents I find this seems to be a problem for many of us.  We love this wonderful child we have and want to show our love for them by helping them. Often times we forget we may, in the long run, not be helping but hindering or handicapping.

This summer we have really been working hard on gaining some skills. Skills he really should have already had, but probably doesn’t, simply because we haven’t allowed him to.  Shawn had been taking a bath on his own, but I always got his clothes out for him. Now he gets to choose (within reason) what he is going to wear and he needs to get it for himself.  Some other things we’ve been working on is folding and putting his clothes in the drawers or  hanging up his clothes.  We are also working on folding towels and wash clothes, making his bed, unloading and loading the washer and sometimes hand washing dishes. He is cleaning up his messes or if it is too large to let me know instead of just leaving it. Also loading the washing machine.  Sure most ,if not all, of these things he should have already been doing but it just seemed easier to do it myself.  I realized even though it may not be done to my complete satisfaction (I am a perfectionist) I was denying him the chance to learn skills that he needs for his life to be complete.

This will be a task for Shawn, his dad, and I as well as others in his life. We need to all start helping him gain some skills that will give him some independence and help him not stand out so from others his age.  I think from what I have seen already it will be harder for those around him to let this delightful young man do it on his own. We find him still so cute and irresistible. Everything that he has tackled so far he’s done it with ease.  Now if I can just get him to stay out of everyone’s personal space…but that is another blog.