Driving - Joshua's way...

I have to say this year in 10^th grade has been totally an eye opener for us.  Joshua has totally enjoyed it.  On the other hand the homework is kicking my butt.  Well, as most of you know, the classes for getting a High School Diploma have changed over the years. That is not a blog story, but should be a book one day... Still hoping it will continue to change for students like Joshua…

This week Joshua came home with his Georgia Department of Driver Services Certificate.  I’m like what?   Of course being the one that reads to him nightly, I knew we had been going over the Alcohol and Drug, ADAP and Student Workbook.   

I had no idea that students had to go through the class, pass the test, to even start the permit process.   He was asking us “well didn’t you do this “?  We said no we took drivers education and we drove real cars and we learned hands on.  Things have definably changed.   Of course, to him, we’re “old”.

He does know that he would not be a good safe driver, due to the fact that driving his power wheel chair he still moves furniture and leaves marks on the wall.  Thankfully Jack is great at keeping walls fixed and furniture in place.  And yes, he speeds that is another issue.  He knows that he would drive off the road, then get startled looking off the road, more than likely take out whatever is in the way.  Sometimes he even says he can’t drive and talk at the same time.  I told him that happens to all of us.

My point being, I love the part where he takes the classes that are on the list for a Regular High School Diploma doesn’t even think about that he has a disability, that he more than likely won’t be able to drive,  but goes into this with all his gusto and learning mode to pass the test for the class.  Yes, we have the certificate for the next step hanging on the referigator door as a wonderful achievement.  

Makes me wonder, if we did what we knew we should do, not look for ways out of it,  the world would be as Joshua sees it...

Staying Positive

I had someone last week ask me “how do you stay so positive”?  I mean you have a full time job , a family , and a child with needs that are so time consuming…

Funny, I never really think about it any other way.   When you have children you know things will change.   When that child has special needs it changes, but more like a tsunami.   It’s all quiet then ….WHAM!!!  Notice I didn’t it say in a bad way. 

I have always been a planner.  That does help in many areas.  I learned early on to read information.  Now I say it’s overwhelming the information that is out there.

I try to think through what is the current issue and “breath” and not to put myself into stress mode.

And yes I do get stressed, never think I don’t.  That is a daily learning curve.

I have learned to ask for help.  That is hard.  I am a go getter and will do whatever I can to make things better, but I have realized I need support.

  I am so blessed to have a husband that I can say anything to.  That doesn’t mean that he likes, but honesty and communication is the best medicine.  Wording it is the key.

 We have to talk about Joshua and his needs,  what we want for him and then the planning is huge.  We also let Joshua tell us how he feels.   Sometimes I have to say it is like “opening the flood gates” and he won’t stop til he is done.  What can I say, I strive to teach him to speak his mind.

I have a small network of fiends that accept and support me where I am no matter what is going on. That in itself is a “Gift”.

My faith is my strength.  God gave me Joshua to ground me and to put me on the Path that he has chosen for me and I accept that.  It has been wonderful and trying at the same time.  Rewarding and will continue to be.

That is where I gain my positives.  Not saying I don’t get down.  I do but I give it back to God.  We all have our beliefs and/or vices.   I love laughter and learning to listen is a huge positive for me.

Funny ending will be Joshua and I joke back and forth and say “You don’t know their story”….. So be Positive!

Taking a little me time…

When is it ok to step back as a parent and take care of yourself.   Being a mom I am always planning and making my list of things I need to do.  This could include appointments for Joshua, writing a letter about an issue that needs attention, picking up Joshua braces for the 5^th time, that last minute thing I forget to do at work and to send that email, stopping at 5 different stores to save money.  Paying bills, reminding my wonderful husband to remind me to do something.   I am sure you get the picture

When I was younger I never really thought about when people would say “You better take care of yourself” or “Take some time for you”.  It definitely is starting to become real.   It is so important to not beat yourself up over saying “I need a break”.  I have learned that trying to do everything all the time just causes so much stress and emotional burnout.

 It can be as simple as just sitting outside alone and enjoying the birds singing and the breeze in your face.   Taking a walk, reading a book, watching a movie, take a nap. 

Sadly, we all know today service providers are not available due to funds, which again are a stress , that is not needed.   We know every day we are losing more services that are so needed.  Instead of giving up I have learned to accept and take small steps in reminding myself I need to take care of me so that I can continue to take care of my family.

Myself, I am a music person….. You can ask Jack (hubby) my happiest moments are listening to music and singing and dancing.  Some of my happiest moments in living in West Virginia was going on Saturday night to the local Moose Lodge. Don’t knock it, this lodge had 3 floors.  On the 3^rd floor was a massive dance floor.  At 9 pm  the old school music  started up  and by midnight it was up to the date music.   It was a place to go and be me and relax with music and dance.  I was so lucky back then to have a wonderful network of friends that kept Joshua.  Always telling me to go and enjoy and relax...  Thank you all my WV friends!!!  SO miss you!

Most importantly, I cannot beat myself up for saying “I need a little time”.  That doesn’t make me selfish or weak or a bad mom.  Just realizing that it is needed to keep myself renewed.  To keep my stress down it’s needed.   It’s good for our kids and spouses also.  I have learned to rely on my husband and know that he can do just as good, if not better, than me.  He is so funny he will say “Go do something for you”.  How sweet is that?  Be good to yourself and in return it will flow through all things you do.

Another Year…. Easier?

Did I think it would get easier?  Yes, I have told myself for the last almost 17 years it will get easier.  Do I still feel the sadness of Joshua having a disability? Yes.  Do I still cry and get frustrated? Yes.  Do I feel overwhelmed and wonder how or what next? Yes.   Do I want to give up? No...

I am not one for excuses but I do have to say lately lots of thoughts seem to be” is this all there is?”  Do we accept or do we continue on the road of unknown.  Do I continue to give encouragement when personally I feel discouraged?  Yes I do...

 Why; because my faith has made me strong and gives me the guidance for the next step. Nothing is a given and, sadly in today’s world, there is no free thing or extra help.  Or if it says it’s free “The catch” is a mile long…The mile is long enough without it.

 What happen to people just being kind? I know that I always want to do the right thing. I want to be a giver of kindness and grace. I want to encourage and continue to be a listener and look for the potential of good. 

I know that if we accept what is in our control which is not much really.  We can work through whatever issue we are facing.

 Asking for help or encouragement is the one thing that seems to be lacking.  I know having Joshua made me rely on people and depend on their guidance.  That doesn’t mean that I have to agree; but listen, be thankful.

Giving God thanks for the smiles I have every day whether small or big. Taking a few minutes to breathe and accept … no one promised it would be easy.  Take the small steps and the hurdles with all the gusto you have.  Who’s to say we won’t get to the finish line and get a win?

This new year draw on your inner strength, your faith, family, friends.  Even if they don’t know what to say at the time you ask for help.  That’s ok... Just let them be there for you... In return you do the same.

What do I Have to Lose?

As the diploma track in Georgia started changing rapidly, sadly, some kids were lost in the shuffle; Joshua was one of those children.  So this year he made the decision to leave the self contained setting for inclusion in hopes of obtaining a high school diploma.  If you have a child with an IEP this is major decision.  It means a lot of homework, 100% support from parents and lots of support from the school system.

Joshua attended his IEP meeting and was able to listen to everyone’s comments and concerns. In the end we turned and waited to see what he wanted.  Joshua said “I want to try it... I mean what do I have to lose.” The committee agreed and we all told him that this was his chance to show us what he was made of.  My fear as a parent is him feeling like a failure or watching him struggle.  However, I had to let go and trust him, after all it is his education and his life.  We promised each other that we would continue to respect the one rule in our house and that was honesty. Tough love!

After all, all Joshua wants is his High School Diploma… (Sounds simple right?).  It is not.  After reviewing his transcripts we realized that he was behind on his credits.  All these years Joshua has been in a Special Education Class (self-contained which he does not like and thinks this word should be changed). He has taken math, reading, social studies, electives etc and has had wonderful teachers and paraprofessionals (Just for clarification Joshua has paraprofessional’s help in classes; and remember he doesn’t write and he is Cortically Visually Impaired and is I would say 99.9 auditory.)   And yet he was NOT on track!

We began his first semester making sure to be mindful of where he was in his progress towards obtaining his high school diploma. As we were going over his next semester classes we noticed that some adjustments needed to be made to continue to keep him on track so another IEP meeting was called and to my surprise it was amazing! 

All the normal attendees where there and we also included his Regular Education Teachers for input.   It was such a blessing to hear that your child who has struggled all of his life was finally fulfilling his dream!  We asked Coach P, and Mr. T’ster, Joshua’s Government/history teachers,   “What was Joshua like in class”?   They replied, “Amazing like any other student.  Well despite being in a wheelchair and when he gets excited (a little clonus).”   As of yesterday, before the End of Course Test, he is still holding on to a high “B”.  He went further to say, “That probably out of the whole semester that there were only a few times if questioned Joshua didn’t know the answer.” As I think back to when Joshua was younger, this is the little boy they said would never read or retain information…. Really? 

My point is that it was such an awesome thing to hear regular education teachers talk about Joshua as any other student, to be passionate about wanting to help him succeed even offering to mentor future regular education teachers about him. For once it was about acceptance and respect.  Isn’t that what inclusion is all about?  Why not try it more?  Like Joshua said, “What do we have to lose?”